Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
