Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
