dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
