Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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