Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
