We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
