I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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