i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
