just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
