he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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