i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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