she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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