So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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