she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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