I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
