How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
