I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
