I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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