Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Randomize
