Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
