My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
