just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
