there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
