If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
