That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
