shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
