Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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