Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
