He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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