Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
