Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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