I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im holly from the hills drunk
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
