hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
