Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
