So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
