You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
