I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
