he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
