i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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