Yo dont text me then not text me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
