I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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