I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
