mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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