I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
