seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
