Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
