Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
