I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
