He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
