My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
