All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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